<..And She Will Be Loved...>

Internship soon and then... ?

Having an internship is something that I thought would not happen very soon.

Proven, I was wrong.

Here I am, waiting to experience my internship in about one week.

Honestly, it's scaring the crap out of me. My place of internship is a corporate world that seems to be so far away and out of reach from my hand, possibly my heart.

I can't deny that I am not that comfortable when it comes to working in such an environment, but it is my internship. My life, as exaggerated as it sounds, depends on it.

Thus, I must do my very best to fit in that kind of working environment.

A lot of people AKA my peeps, were surprised when they heard I would be working there!

'Oohhss' and 'Whys' and 'I thought...?' were voiced by them.

Yes, I admit I surprised myself. I and the rest of the whole bloody world (except my family who have been so accepting yet concerned) thought I would go for an area that involves broadcasting (radio, possibly TV?). But, hey! It is not life if you have not experienced different things.

If this area that I'm going to be working on is not for me, at least by the end of this internship, I will know what I am NOT going to apply for.

Now, waiting for my internship to start, I'm just enjoying life.

Trying to enjoy it at least.

Every now and then, insecurities would creep in. I would ask myself, am I capable of working there? Am I going to be happy most importantly? Yes, the job would be tough, it would be busy and perhaps, crazy. But, am I really that tough to handle it?

Only time will tell, but I have to believe in myself, which is not surprisingly, the hardest, HARDEST thing to do.

Believing in myself, in the very best of me, is something that has been hard to do for the longest time.

Born out of a loving family, you might think that it's supposed to be easy for me to be confident and not afraid of the world.

Hey! You thought WRONG!

My family is loving, encouraging, caring... I could go on forever describing my family. But, being confident is not something that is planted in me. My parents have tried since I was a kid, to make myself more confident, braver, to just go up on stage and dance or sing my heart out.

At least there was a moment when I was that brave. But, as I grow up, this confidence, this protective wall, crumbled slowly.

It's not as easy as it used to be to just sing in front of people, to dance, to even voice my opinion.

Probably, it has something to do with my 'not-so-happy' past when I was bullied because I was voicing my opinion, because I dared to help when others did not. And the truth, no one in that darkest times of my life, cared. I meant none of my friends. There were some who tried to understand why I was shunned, why I was bullied so badly by these mean girls. But, the mean girls won.

Because life is not a movie where the good girl who tried to do the right thing can win and then will made up with the bullies. It just wasn't a movie. If it was, then I'd say it was a very very BAD movie.

Through it all, my family was my rock. But then again, their help came too little too late because of my own fault. I didn't have the courage to tell them how their little girl was bullied. I mean I realized that those bullies were not all at fault. Maybe, I was too loud, too daring, trying too hard to be liked by others. But, was I really at fault for that?

I don't know, probably I'll never know and I don't really wanna know.

Back to the point, this holiday has been great despite of my insecurities. I went out to meet my secondary school friends and my friends at poly. I even did a performance with my friends at this church event. It was wonderful.

These days, I love looking up at the sky, asking myself silly or just serious questions that are mostly about life. The world is just one whole big mess, isn't it? The disappearance of MH370, South and North Korea retaliated against each other, bombs, death. The list just goes on and on and on.

Life can be unsettling especially after I watched or read the news on these horrific events. But, you gotta go on and only can hope that the world will someday be at peace.

I can only hope for a better future, not just for myself, but for the whole of my generation who are currently feeling lost, and far from hopeful.

Song of the day:

Paper Hearts - Tori Kelly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO8zDm437Ls

...Getting Harder To Breathe @ 6:15:00 PM...

ThE StorY

My name is Nadia. I am a girl who is insane, bubbly, cheerful and emotional. I am 16.

ThE BanD

This is the blog where I pour my thoughts, hopes and dreams. Occasionally abandoned but still worth seeing :)

AspirationS

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